


Let it be Enough

by VisionaryGalaxy



Series: A Thousand Futures of Me and You [51]
Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Boys In Love, Don't copy to another site, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Falling In Love, Fluff and Angst, M/M, Soulmates, Stephen Strange Needs a Hug, Tony Stark Needs a Hug
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-11
Updated: 2019-01-11
Packaged: 2019-10-08 03:32:33
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,851
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17378774
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/VisionaryGalaxy/pseuds/VisionaryGalaxy
Summary: Stephen had been different from the very beginning. Falling for him had been like taking a helpless leap, standing on the edge and feeling the pull, the one that makes everyone step back from the abyss. Except it had pulled and pulled until he didn’t have a choice and went careening toward him with an exhilarated, desperate plea for a soft landing.





	Let it be Enough

**Author's Note:**

> SO...Madness and Carnage is still coming, but because of the delicate issues it deals with I wanted to take a bit more time to make sure it is being handled correctly. I promise it won't sit as long as Again and Again lol.

   When Tony woke it was completely disorienting.

   He was in a familiar bed, Stephen’s to be exact, but for the first time in a long time it was neither a nightmare or alarm clock. No, he simply woke to the dark room, illuminated only by the moonlight streaming in from the window. Slowly, he sat up, the thick comforter falling to pool around his waist as he blinked wearily, every part of him on high alert for some threat.

   A quick scan of the room revealed nothing, unsurprising of course, there was nowhere safer then Stephen’s Sanctuary. That being said, he found himself staring down at the empty space next to him, the very one that had been filled with a warm and exhausted sorcerer only hours before. He slid his hand into the space, searching for remnants only to find it cool to the touch, inexplicably his stomach twisted.

   It was unsettling to be abandoned here, even if he had been unconscious. He had the urge to find him, for he was certainly in the Sanctuary somewhere, he wouldn’t leave the building without first waking him or leaving a note. But for once he was reluctant to pursue it, anyone else and he wouldn’t hesitate, except he was a stranger here.

   Tonight, had been the first time he spent the night at the Sanctuary. Stephen had spent the night numerous times in Tony’s tower, usually four times a week as of late, yet, try as he might, there was an invisible boundary here. He had finally overcome it, been allowed access to this essential part of Stephen’s life and work and he was terrified of messing it up, of wandering and stumbling across something that would ban him from this place permanently.

   It was a delicate balance, Tony had learned quickly. They had begun dating nearly six months ago and the pace had been glacial, as per Stephen’s insistence. Tony didn’t mind, he would have done nearly anything to keep him, but it still felt like they were at the beginning.

   Stephen had walls, a massive insurmountable fortress built around his life with clearly defined boundaries not to be tested or pushed. On bad days Tony was almost resentful of the way Stephen had crushed his own into dust with a single look, a single word, had obliterated everything he was and built him into something new, without allowing him to do the same. On good days, Tony was grateful to simply sit on the drawbridge and wait for him to offer some small token.

   He wasn’t stupid, knew it could be viewed as pitiful, the way he adored Stephen and the way he was in turn held at arms length, but even when Rhodey looked at him with barely concealed doubt, or Pepper would sigh with exasperation as he stared at his phone, it didn’t matter. Because he _believed_ , he believed that one day he would understand why Stephen was so hard to reach, why the look in his eyes when he kissed him was this strange mix of fear and desperation.

   A crash echoed into the room, clearly coming from further in the Sanctuary and Tony tensed, eyes on the doorway and ears straining for further noise. A moment later he thought he heard cursing and Tony sighed, eyes landing on the robe hanging off the bathroom door.

   He sat there for several minutes, considering. He took a shuddering breath, there was no time like the present. Tony slipped from the bed, shivering immediately as the cool air kissed his bare skin, making gooseflesh rise along his legs, arms, and chest. He retrieved the robe, fairly thin but long and fuzzy enough to protect him from the chill from the knees up.

   With a determined stride he left the room and followed the distinct sound of brushing glass and grumbling until he was making his way down the stairs and into the sitting room, he froze, however the moment he moved into the doorway.

   There was a dustpan filled with broken glass, sitting on the coffee table the source of the crash, but that wasn’t what made him freeze. No, it was the sight presented before him that stole his breath in one sudden gush.

   Stephen was standing at the long window, seemingly gazing out at nothing, but the sight of him…Tony couldn’t move his eyes. His hands were clearly clasped behind his back, the long flow of his Cloak hiding them from prying eyes and gently swaying in the non-existent wind. His posture was straight as a soldier, his face cold and impassive as though carved from beautiful marble. He seemed ethereal in the glow of the moon, his pale skin devoid of colour as though he were some otherworldly creature, the furthest thing from human. He didn’t move, he didn’t even seem to breathe as he held himself steady, because for all the strength in that slim body, Tony had the oddest feeling that he was a man set out to sea, lost and wandering with no way home.

   Tony could have stood there all night, drinking his fill, half terrified that any movement or noise would break the illusion, would steal this man from him in a blink, as though he never existed at all. He would have, he was sure of it, if it wasn’t for the light catching something glistening on his cheek.

   A single lonely tear slid down Stephen’s skin, sparkling as it caught the light and making a steady path down over his jaw bone, down further along his smooth neck, disappearing into the folds of his tunic. It was quickly followed by another and Tony felt a painful twist in his heart, spurring him into action.

   He stepped forward into the room, his bare feet immediately hitting a loose floorboard with a loud creak. Stephen’s head snapped toward him so fast that it made Tony pause again, saw the moment his cold expression flickered through surprise, concern, fear, and finally settled on embarrassment.

   Silence reigned between them for a moment, both at a loss for words as Stephen wiped quickly at his cheeks. But then, Tony’s doctor was nothing if not unyielding in the face of discomfort, as he cleared his throat carefully, “Did I wake you?”

   Tony offered a weak smile and came closer, feeling as though he was walking through a minefield of insecurities and unanswered questions that might bring them crashing down all at once, but there was something else tonight as well, _possibility._

   “No,” he murmured, as he came up beside him, “I just woke and thought I’d come find you.”

   Concern filled his eyes, “did you have a nightmare?”

   Tony shook his head again, “no, for once,” he offered a self-deprecating smile. “You?”

   He didn’t miss the flash in his eyes but if it was fear or unease he couldn’t tell, “yes, sorry.”

   Tony slipped his hand behind Stephen, under his Cloak until he could snag one of his hands in his and pulled it from his hiding place, “don’t apologize, I certainly never do.”

   Stephen’s hand was trembling worse then usual in his and when he looked up the moonlight seemed to highlight something sad and desperate in his eyes, something in Tony’s heart broke at the sight. Carefully, so not to sound demanding or even too inquisitive Tony turned his gaze toward the window, offering him privacy from his eyes, and saw that it was snowing, perfect little snowflakes glistening as they swirled and fell lazily to the ground, “tell me about it?”

   There was a choked sound, as though holding back a sob, while the hand in his squeezed suddenly, it took all of Tony’s strength not to look at him, to hold the spell that was daring to poke the smallest of holes in that fortress.

   “I’m sorry, I’m so sorry, I can’t do this.”

   Tony stilled, his entire body going stiff as though preparing for some invisible impact, “do what?” he asked shakily.

   “I thought I could do it, that I could have some small part of you, and it would be enough, that I could-”

   He broke off and Tony did turn now, heart hammering in his chest as he looked up at Stephen who was staring down at him with what could only be devastation in his eyes. It felt like a physical punch to the gut, hands coming up to cup his tear-streaked cheeks, he searched the man’s gaze for something, anything to explain the agony suddenly springing up between them.

   “What do you mean? What’s wrong?”

   Misery settled on Stephen’s features, making the man look so much older, new lines coming out to play, the light of the room no longer casting beauty but shadows on a haggard face. One of Stephen’s hands came up to cover the one on his cheek, holding it there as though it was to be the last time he ever felt it, “you love me.”

   Tony blinked, confusion mixing with the fear and anxiety and leaving him dizzy and out of step, he didn’t understand, didn’t know what was happening here, “what?” he whispered.

   Stephen’s eyes closed, tears spilling over his lashes, “tonight, I woke up and you were asleep, dreaming and talking like you do.” He took a shuddering breath. “You said you loved me.”

   Tony shook his head, he felt like everything was spinning out of control, something precious and vital slipping from his hands so fast that he didn’t have a hope of catching up. He stared up at Stephen’s closed eyes, the lids delicate as a wing, twitching with some unnamed emotion. Tony’s breathing had gone harsh, mind desperately trying to find the right answer.

   He did love him, had loved him for at least five months now. It had overwhelmed him with its intensity, had nearly sent him running with the strength of emotion. It had been unfamiliar and terrifying, different then what he had with Pepper. Loving her had been comfort and family and security, waking up to Pepper had been like taking a breath of fresh air, filling his lungs and revitalizing him with the sight every morning. She was the childlike promise of forever and pinky swears, not realizing that love wasn’t this static emotion of wedding vows and old age, but simply a presence. That was what she was now, the perfect promise of a friendship forged of love.

   Stephen had been different from the very beginning. Falling for him had been like taking a helpless leap, standing on the edge and feeling the pull, the one that makes everyone step back from the abyss. Except it had pulled and pulled until he didn’t have a choice and went careening toward him with an exhilarated, desperate plea for a soft landing. Loving him had been violent, rushing through his bones and his heart with a pounding rhythm. His promise was loyalty sworn from a dying breath, the dreadful promise not of forever but every minute and hour that they might be gifted. Waking up to Stephen, his closed eyes or his slow smile was like watching the sun rise when you thought it wouldn’t, like remembering why you were breathing in the first place. It was reckless and inexplicable, and it was everything Tony had ever wanted, the only thing that had dragged him from the pits of Titan haunting his brain, the promise of someone who knew him not like a lover, not like family, but like a soulmate.

   It was the only word in the English language that came close to what he felt for the hurt man in front of him, that feeling inevitability, of inescapable belonging, of heart-wrenching, soulful peace.

   Tony felt tears prick his own eyes, “look at me.”

   Stephen didn’t move for a long moment, then slowly his lids peeled back to reveal red, pain filled eyes. He didn’t care, he tightened his hands where they still cupped either side of his face as he looked at him with every bit of sincerity he could pull up, “I love you, I have loved you.”

   Stephen’s entire expression crumpled, another sob racking his body and he tried to pull away but Tony didn’t let him, couldn’t stand the thought of not feeling his skin, of putting any distance between them, somehow sensing that this might be the end of it all, a possibility his body physically rebelled against as his stomach twisted and his legs grew shaky.

   Stephen shook his head a little, “I can’t.” he gasped.

   It took every inch of strength Tony had ever possessed to utter his next words, could feel their poison along his tongue as he shaped them, felt his lips burn with betrayal, “do you not love me?”

   Stephen’s hands were then forcibly pulling Tony’s hands from his face, but continued to hold them in his own, he suddenly seemed less like his lover and more and more like his executioner. Shivers seemed to move through Stephen’s body, as though rejecting the words that needed to be spoken.

   Then he was suddenly moving away, stepping back from him and into the shadow of the room, Tony had never felt so cold as he did then, “I’m sorry. I can’t…” Stephen’s eyes had gone wide, fearful. “I’m afraid, Tony, I’m so fucking scared.”

   Tony’s breath caught, the tinniest tendril of hope sparking inside him, a desperate command in his brain being shouted telling him to fight, to earn it, don’t let him go, don’t let him run away. Tony had defeated so many aliens and demons in his life, had saved the world, had been broken and then healed, had suffered from his own conscious, had nearly taken his own life, has had to choose life but it suddenly seemed inconsequential, easy compared to the battle in front of him. Because Stephen was standing in front of him, clearly standing on his own ledge, that pull trying to tug him into the freefall and Tony will be damned if he won’t be there to catch him if he can just convince him to jump.

   “It’s ok,” he whispered, weighing each word. “Tell me what you are afraid of.”

   As if flipping a switch, Stephen’s eyes grew distant, seeing something beyond them, a habit that still unnerved Tony to this day, “I’ll lose you, I always lose you,” he murmured, voice gone horse from tears and stress. “If I love you, I’ll lose you.”

   His eyes seemed to focus suddenly, spearing Tony with the look of pure grief and hopelessness in them, “I’ve seen you die 14, 000, 097 times. All those times on Titan, and after, I watched you live and die so many times and I can’t bear it,” his voice broke. “Not again, I can’t do it again.”

   Tony’s breath caught, his mind supplying a mirage of images connecting Stephen’s behaviour for the past six months, the pain in his eyes, the way he grew unfocused, the way he seemed to pause in the midst of a battle and stare at him sometimes, as though waiting for something horrible to happen. What would it be like, he wondered, to watch Stephen die over and over again? How long until he would go mad with it?

   Swallowing thickly Tony took a step forward, only for Stephen to throw his hands up defensively as if warding him off, that fear palatable in the air between them now. He wasn’t going to give up, he wasn’t a quitter and he knew, he _knew_ Stephen wasn’t one either. The only reason he was so afraid, was because he already loved him, and despite himself, Tony felt his heart warm.

   “Stephen, love. I’m so sorry,” he reached forward, ignoring the man’s flinch and pulled him in by the wrist until he was holding him, letting him fall apart on his shoulder with racking sobs and a shuddering body. “I can’t promise you forever, but I can promise you now and tomorrow.”

   Stephen’s hands gripped him tighter and as tears fully began to spill down Tony’s cheeks, he found himself clinging to the taller man, unable to keep the pleading from his voice, “let it be enough,” he whispered wetly in his ear, desperation seeping through. “Please, love let it be enough. I’m here, I’m here, let it be enough, let it be enough, _let it be enough_.”

   They held each other, huddled in the thin strip of moonlight, the only witness to their fear and love and pain. He didn’t know how long they stayed there but when the shudders in Stephen’s body began to slow, and sobbing all but stopped, Tony felt his heart freeze in his chest, this was a different kind of ledge, the one that didn’t promise a soft landing at the end, unpredictable as only two soul coming together can be.

   Stephen’s shaky breath sounded in his ear, still so, so afraid, but with a hint of steel so like the man Tony knew, he whispered, “I love you too.”

   It felt like euphoria, it felt like salvation.

**Author's Note:**

> Would you believe me if I told you I didn't believe in love?  
> Let me know what you thought about this little story!


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